The plan modifies and unfolds

I’m working on a demo right now. My plan was to go in and record a bunch of stuff and then start sending it out to people i know in the music industry. As I get further along in the process of actually building a music career (I LOVE that this is what I’m doing, btw, and that it’s actually happening), I realize that things aren’t as simple as we might imagine before starting out. “I’ll record a bunch of songs I’ve written and send ’em out” is actually a much more complex and detailed project. Especially given that I’m a recovering perfectionist (I’ve learned in a great way this year, (“Unamerican” being the primary impetus for this lesson) that there’s always a point at which you have to compromise on things being perfectly the way you want them because the reality of the situation is that a less-than-perfect, tangible, actual outcome at some point becomes preferred to the archetypical, perfected version in one’s head. A quick nickel vs. a theoretical dime. In theory, the dime is better. In reality, the nickel wins every time.

So I’m in this process of discovering and developing my capacity for compromise. Fact is, I feel like I have to get things going yesterday. Everything needs to be done yesterday (this is the conversation in my head. In my heart, it feels more like “everything’s going just perfectly – you’re doing everything you can, and that’s all it takes”). So I’m often grappling with an intellectualized sense of urgency about all the things I need to do wrestling with a deeper sense of abiding grace and perfection.

Rus, an aspiring record producer and a member of the ProTools development team (not to mention a starburst of love and enthusiasm) cracked my anxiety with a perfect analogy of climbing Mt. Everest. It doesn’t happen in a day. You have to plan for a long time, get your shit together, train and be prepared JUST TO GET TO BASE CAMP. Then you have to acclimate, get a sherpa, and then the Mountain tries to kill you, and you just keep climbing.

I’m still making my way to base camp, but I have the drive, desire and vision to be on the mountain. Anyway, it was a helpful analogy, especially since one of the intentions with the demo is to find an agent who can help me develop my career. At the end of the day, I’m brand new at all this, and there’s an enormous amount of stuff I don’t have a clue about.