Hunger and grasping

I’m feeling hungry. Not in the “I need food way”, but in the “I’m gonna eat the world” kinda way. Hard to esplain, especially since I’m faced with having to find a place to live in 12 days. My roommate and I were/are buying a house in San Francisco, and there’s a possibility that deal is jeapordized, which would suck a lot. But we found out last week that our plans to move in are not going to happen in the next 30-90 days, and our current sublet runs out on the 1st. So we’ve literally only got a few days to figure out where to go from here.

I find myself grasping a bit. For air. For solid ground. I just read the email sig of a friend:

“A student asked the Buddha, “For all the different people who have come to
listen to your words, please tell us about the Way you have found and
known.”

The Buddha answered, “When you take things it is because of a thirst, a
clinging, and a grasping. You should lose that and lose it altogether,
above, below, around, and within. It makes no difference what it is you are
grasping. When you grasp, you are losing your freedom. Realize this and
grasp at nothing. Then you will cease being a creature of attachment, tied
to the powers of death.”
-Sutta Nipata”

I don’t know if I’m capable of completely “letting go”. I AM trying my best to breathe through the incredible amount of stress arising from not literally not knowing where I’m going to be making my home in 2 weeks.

I told another friend that I was definitely feeling my faith being challenged. I’m always telling people to let go, let God (often not in those exact words). Now it’s my turn to take my own advice.

See, i HATE moving. More specifically, I hate home-hunting. Especially under duress. But I’m also taking on “letting go” as a practice. Getting stressed out to the max is not serving me in getting done what I need to do to manage this whole thing. I need to be on top of my game (perhaps not be writing my blog?) and knocking things out. And trust that God/Life/The Universe is gonna keep me covered. Literally.

On the music tip, I had a phenomenal NINE HOUR long rehearsal/writing session. I miss those badly and it was a real joy to put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door and play away. Two really great song structures emerged, and I haven’t been able to get the music out of my head. Waiting for the words. What makes these songs particularly powerful and exciting for me is that they were written in “the new voice”. I’ve been singing for a year now, and the songs I wrote a year ago work really well for a brand new voice.

Since then, my voice, confidence and thus performance have all improved significantly. These will be the first songs written specifically with a more complex, passionate and expressive voice. I’m still loving the original bunch, but I’m also absolutely delighting in hearing my voice do things I never imagined being able to do (until 1/1/4, that is). Can’t wait to put a recording of it online for you to hear. Think you’ll like.