One Milestone Down

I just got back from a four day camping trip I’d been planning for 6 months, which was a much needed break from a rather compressed and busy few months. I don’t remember the last time I took time off to just relax. And I really, really needed it. I’d been working 16 – 18 hour days for the last, oh, two months (with an occasional sleep-in day here and there), and July 15 was the light at the end of my tunnel. I knew I was going to have three days of no responsibility, surrounded by friends, lounging in nature. It was a potent incentive to keep the fires stoked.

Also, this trip marked an important milestone. The camping trip was with a couple hundred friends of mine, during which we had an annual talent show. Last year I performed some spoken word, which in retrospect primed my pump for public performance. Anyway, when I made the decision to make music this year, every time I wrote or rehearsed, I’d close my eyes and imagine the exact scene that occurred this weekend – a hundred people sitting on a lawn in the midst of a gorgeous garden in the Mendocino hills, surrounded by giant trees and a canopy of stars.

it was actually a pretty surreal experience, because it was EXACTLY as I’d imagined it. I had a moment when I was performing when I closed my eyes, and I instantly reaccessed the vision I’d played in my head countless times while I rehearsed in the dark at home over the last several months. When I opened my eyes, well, there it was.

I learned a REALLY important lesson in timing my set, too. I had saved my best/favorite songs for the end of my set. Well, I got yanked off stage about 2/3 through my set, having run out of time. The generator for the event showed up quite late, making everything compressed. Even had the generator showed up on time, I still would have gone over my allotted 20 minutes. I just completely spaced the time limit. (NEVER AGAIN – Lesson Learned)

I was pretty miffed (95% at myself for having neglected my time constraints), but quickly found the blessing (beyond the lesson about being conscious of time constraints). When things like that happen to me – that is, when things don’t go the way I want, or when things are painful for me, I try to ask “How does this serve me?”. My chosen perspective is that everything that happens to me in my life serves me, whether it’s painful or bliss. Indeed, I’ve had the most profound growth spurts from my most painful experiences.

So in searching my pain and anguish at not having been able to share my favorite material (and the songs I think have the biggest impact on people), I asked how this served me. The answer came pretty quickly. Given the significance of that performance in my overall picture, (it was a debut of my songwriting and singing for the people who know me best) i was left feeling that had I been able to put all my best stuff out there, I might feel like I’d accomplished what there was to do to some extent.

funny, now that I think of it, it’s the old show business addage turned on itself. “Always leave them wanting more”. Well, I was definitely left with a burning desire for more. it also provoked a fair amount of thinking about my music, my motivations for doing it, and an appreciation for the experience of being frustrated. “Chorus Interruptus” you might say.