Taking flight

I feel like I’m in a scene in a movie which may or may not have been made (my life very often takes on a certain cinematic quality that has me marvel at its elegant perfection) where I’m walking and a sense of weightlessness starts to well up inside me. I imagine I’m walking along a gravel country road and the crunch of my feet starts to get softer and softer until my feet aren’t touching the ground any more.

The success of the Unamerican song has been amazing, especially in light of a very different way of being that I’ve adopted this year. In the past, I would do my best to envision all the possible scenarios, plan contingencies, and start working against a plan. This year, I’ve been doing a lot of listening to my gut and doing what there is to do in the moment. I don’t have a master plan. I don’t have trajectory, per se. At the same time, I’ve never felt more aligned with a divine plan for my life, and fulfilling my purpose. I do have my moments of doubt or fear which arise like gusts of unseasonably warm air – sudden changes in the air pressure that keeps me afloat.

They have the effect (in this imagined metaphor of flying) of causing me to rapidly lose alititude. Kinda like Charlie and Uncle Joe in the Fizzy Lifting Drinks, but not exactly. I feel like I”m *supposed* to be flying. I feel like everything’s perfect just the way it is, and that I’m doing a good job of listening for guidance and direction. I guess maybe I’m just learning to fly.

The moment this all got clear to me was this afternoon when I checked the site traffic. The growth curve of the site looks like the dot-com Hockey Stick Of Growth. Flat for a while, then up. And up. And up. (Hence the sense of weightlessness). I know that it’s not a sustainable growth pattern, and that at some point, it needs to come down. I had a weaker day of growth yesterday, and was starting to worry that I’d peaked. (the warm rush of air). I felt myself falling back to earth when I realized that I AM doing everything I can, and that I’m working as hard as I can, and that’s all I can do. If the Universe wants this song to be heard far and wide, and if God wants me to be onstage singing my heart and soul out, then it’ll happen and I don’t need to worry about it.

It’s a practice – non-worrying. I think alot of it relies heavily on feeling like I am doing everything I can and that my music is a fulfillment of my purpose.

I have no idea what lies ahead for me. My dream and heart’s desire is twofold: to play a role in the great awakening that’s occuring in the world, and to make a living sufficient to support a family from my music. But I’m willing to do anything in service to the world. My heart and arms are open. I’m leaning into the mystery and am absolutely LOVING the weightlessness. And I’m just getting used to the sudden dips. i think I might even learn to enjoy them soon.